Good News – Boob Laden called me a Crusader!

Letter from a Crusader:
My dialysis suffering buddy down there in the Peshawar region of Pakistan informs me I’m now officially a "Crusader"

Boob Laden’s newest Islamo self help tape rallies the call for a Sudan Jihad, and states that world opposition to the terrorists Hamas is ‘proof of the zionist crusade against Islam’.. not to be outdone by the fact that this Christian Zionist crusade is of all things, ‘out to steal the wealth of Islam’.

Really boobhead, it’s just nice to be mentioned! Thanks guy, I’ll be sure to send the UN a note, where’s Javier Solana? Drop a humanitarian aid corn bag on this guy or something, it’s celebration time!

I can’t wait to tell my mother I’ve joined the Crusades. This will certainly help with the chicks.. Hi, I’m a Crusader, what’s your name? Can I buy you some Klingon blood wine.

There’s gold up in them thar hills

I’m off to loot the wealth of Islamic countries, this is going to be great! Once I get over the massive illiteracy rate I’m sure I’ll be able to trade my big screen TV to some Bedouin guy for some old camel blankets and a filthy cup of very strong tea. Oh yeah! Plunder baby!

Booby head, do me favour, when we’ve conquered your silly rag tag cave dwelling sociopathic ass and you’re lining up the plunder for me and my Crusader buddies, feel free to keep the burka wearing babes off the list for the time being.. Call me picky but I prefer to actually be able to see a Woman’s face when conversing with her.

So first we’re takin the Sunni triangle, but then it’s off to Switzerland for the Swedish Bikini team* where the real pillaging begins.

(* Sweden seems too cold at night, I’m sure there are babes somewhere in Switzerland, we’ll barter them some bikinis with the wealth of Islam and call them Swedes, no one will know, it’s all very hush hush this crusade.. )

By that point the French will have no doubt surrendered whether threatened by the Crusades or not, so someone please telegraph Jacques and tell him I’d like my morning croissants lightly buttered..

Don’t mess with me, I’m laden down with all manner of Islamic plunder and I still have at least 2 or 3 backwards tribal villages to hit before sundown. I think I saw an old 80′s Coleman propane lantern two days ago, should fetch quite a pretty penny on the open eBay market.

PS Don’t send me any food, complex carbohydrates, or clean water.. there’s plenty of dates and fresh goats milk here in abundance, we’re doing this crusade Ayatollah style. Other than the fact that people here will actually kill you for a sandwich, it’s very much like Subways in the the USA because ‘we eat fresh’ whatever that means.